Things I miss about my pre-baby life
Oh, let me count the ways.
A few days ago, my partner and I were speaking to a man from Rajasthan, India. Specifically Kota, a place where I'd also been. I'd said to him that I'd love to go back and see the desert, to do go Udaipur and Jaipur. And then I thought about the long overnight train journeys, eating biryani with open windows and warm air rushing on my face before sleeping with my backpack as a pillow.
The nostalgia was a physical sensation, right in the middle of my chest. And it was interwoven with grief because it was something I never got to do before having a baby and likely wont now. At least, not for a good while.
And while I'd take Jackson a gazillion thrillion times over backpacking any day of the week or week of the year, it still caught me.
Stumbled here by accident? Hit the subscribe button and get my writings straight to your inbox.
There are many things like this. Many 'I won't get to', or 'I wish I'd done more of' moments. Things like:
Having a simple lunch of pasta and sauce days in a row without worrying if its nutritionally rich enough
Having a full hour or more to practice yoga in the mornings
Meditating for long stretches at a time
Sitting in cafes for hours at a time, reading and working (okay, I’m doing this right now but it had to organised to happen)
Not having to organise things all the time
My brain
My figure
My sense of purpose and how unwavering it was
Being able to spend a night away, alone
My pelvic floor as it was pre-birth
Being able to watch thrillers that were even 1% mentally scary
Feeling like I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to
All of that time I had. What the heck did I used to do all day?
And of course, I love being a mother too because two things can be true at once. But this is why we need rituals to transition from Maiden to Mother. We need to let our bodies and energies catch up to the changes that are happening as we go from one state of being to another.
Baby showers do NOT count. I’m dreaming of a world where we have that intergenerational community, where grandmothers inform the maidens, where we’re told how to BE women and all the things that go with it.
Please feel free to share what you miss about pre-motherhood in the comments!