My Core Erotic Theme
Meet my old nemesis: TIME, how its messing with my pleasure and how I plan to use it for good.
I’ve fallen back into bad habits and limiting self-talk when it comes to reconnecting to pleasure and intimacy. I keep telling myself that I have no time. And with a 9-month old who’s currently clingy and testing out temper tantrums, it’s not a lie! But, it’s also part of my erotic narrative - my Core Erotic Theme. And being able to notice that it’s here and present is huge. Why? Because:
“The erotic is intricately connected with our hopes, expectations, struggles, and anxieties - everything that makes us human.” - Jack Morin
We tend to think of eroticism as being only sexual - blindfolds and kink and role-play or whatever else tickles you - but it’s so much more than that. Eroticism is about what makes you, you and how you navigate the world. It’s about energy. We all have energy in us, it’s what gives us literal life and motivates us to get up and go out in the morning. Life force energy (also known as Prana, Ki or Chi to name just 3) is considered the same as creative energy. And creative energy is sexual energy - it’s literally what creates the next generation of humans, bees, dogs, cats and flowers.
Eroticism, and the Core Erotic Theme is like your individual blueprint for what moves your energy in your unique way. And that includes sexuality. There’s a saying that how you do one thing is how you do all things, and the same goes here.
There are patterns between how you do sex, friendships and business. Your eroticism - the thing that turns you on - will also turn you on in all areas of your life because it’s your life-force energy. It’s how you self-express. And the reason why it’s so good to know what your Core Erotic Theme (CET) is, is because once you do, you can see where you keep getting in your own way, tripping yourself up and holding yourself back. You can see how you can move forward.
I’d been getting to grips with my CET since discovering it back in 2022. But now, as a new mum, it’s rearing its head again in various ways.
I don’t have time to meditate. I don’t have time for movement. I don’t have time to use the yoni egg I bought in September 2022 and haven’t been able to use yet. I don’t have time to do the Fembodiment practices I know will help bring me into my body. I don’t have time to have sex with my partner.
I don’t have time, time, time, time, time.
What I’m realising, is this:
I cannot expect to show up to my practices in the same way as before. It’s simply unrealistic!
I have the same amount of time as before (24 hours in a day). So perhaps it’s more about how I prioritise the time I do have.
My body feels and is different after pregnancy and birth. My c-section scar still irritates at times, I often have pain in the first moment of sex, I can’t feel my pelvic floor as much as before, I have mixed feelings about my post-partum belly and things feel like they’ve somehow shifted. So perhaps I have to rewrite what I think I know about my body in a ‘pleasure’ sense.
Now, I know that time is a roadblock for me and any other new parent (or just, parent!). But I also know that it can be an enabler, because the CET is like a coin, it has two sides to it.
The CET also excites us. It turns us on! It’s what makes an experience memorable, what gives us fire, what motivates us.
I feel limited by time, which makes me feel frustrated and annoyed - absolutely! But it’s also something that turns me on (sexually and otherwise). I love a quickie. I love (and simultaneously hate) a deadline. I need a fire under my arse to get me moving - I’m way more productive when I’m short on time (which is how I wrote a bestselling novel in 55 days). So while I wish I had more of it, I also know I can use the fact I have limited time to get shit done.
Instead of an afternoon or even an hour to move my body or connect with an embodiment practice, maybe I give myself 30-minutes. Maybe I let myself be okay with sensual movement to one song instead of three.
Maybe I start with the ‘easier’ practices that help me to start reconnecting and communicating with my body instead of wishing to do the more advanced ones.
Here’s a model I use for self-coaching my way through this:
Circumstance: I haven’t done my pleasure practices in x months
Thought: I don’t have time for pleasure practice
Feel: Annoyed, blocked, inadequate
Action: I don’t do my practices
Result: Disconnect from pleasure
Which feeds back into the thought of I don’t have time for pleasure practice.
Instead, I want to feel: Spacious and connected to myself. To do that, I need a new model.
Circumstance: I have 30-minutes to do a practice
Thought: 30-minutes is enough to feel better.
Feel: Motivated
Action: I do my practices in the time I allocate to myself
Result: I feel calmer and more connected to my body
Which feeds back into the thought, 30-minutes is enough to feel better.
Remembering that my frustration right now is a) normal with a new babe but more importantly b) is my CET coming out to play, means I have the chance to work with it, instead of against it.
The CET is a phenomenal concept that I 100% recommend taking the time to uncover by reading Jack Morin’s book, The Erotic Mind.
I’d love to hear what you think your CET is, and how it shows up for good and not-so-good in your life ♥️
I’m sharing my journey of reconnecting to my pleasure practices as a new mum and things will get pretty candid! The following articles about it are only available to those who sign up. It’s affordable, you get access-all-areas and I get paid to do what I love. It’s a win/win! Plus, you can unsubscribe at any time.