Finding balance when you're self-employed. Does it exist?
Or are we all just kidding ourselves?
Oh, the irony. When you’re stuck in your day job, all you want is to work for yourself so that you can call the shots, choose your working hours and have control over your diary. You dream about working in remote, beach side locations, or taking weeks or months off at a time to do whatever the heck you want. Until you make the leap to leave your job and take your side hustle to a full time job and….
Well. You end up working more than before. And the word hustle is now a way of life. If you’re already self-employed, chances are you know what I’m talking about and if you’re not yet, then I hope you never find out!
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I’ve been prompted to think about this a lot lately. A, because I’ve just published a recorded session with a client about this very topic:
And B, because I’m coming to the end of my maternity leave and reflecting on how I’ve worked more than I’d have liked to (while at the same time wishing I’d had more time to work more than I have. Motherhood is nothing if not paradoxical…).
I’m a Projector in Human Design and one of my strengths is knowing when to say stop and implement self care. And yet…I still fall foul of being all work, and not enough play. It’s hard out here y’all! The truth is though, that when you’re doing something you love, it can be so hard to draw the line and say, that’s enough now.
It can feel impossible to switch the brain off from I must take a photo of this for my social media, or well if I don’t do the bookkeeping then who will? And you don’t even like bookkeeping. Plus, you’ve got all this noise from business coaches who’ve ‘made it’ and tell you subtly, or not so subtley, that you have to sacrifice everything to make it big.
It can be and feel like a lot. Here’s how I see it.
We aren’t meant with the same intensity all the time
Yep, I’m talking about menstrual cycle awareness first because it is the bedrock of our lives as women. We are literally not built to eat, sleep, work, rinse and repeat in the same way every day. Our hormones means that we have times when we’re naturally more energetic, and times when our bodies crave rest. You can read all about Menstrual Cycle Awareness here:
The truth about your to-do list
As I spoke about in the recording with Adri, and have done with other previous clients, there’s a fundamental truth to your to-do list: it will never be finished. You might get through the tasks for the day, week or even month. But there will always, always be more behind it. And worse, one completed task can often lead to more springing up in its place, like pulling weeds out of your garden.
And even if you do miraculously get to a place where you have no more to-dos, no more loo roll to buy, no post to send, no emails to answer, no winter shoes to buy, no meal to cook….that state of zen won’t last very long. Such is the nature of life.
It’s the pressure to keep on doing more that keeps us tied to our to-dos. There’s so much to juggle and we’ve been sold the message that we need to get on top of it all, even if it means working to burnout. You’ve probably been in situations where you’ve had a couple of intense days, maybe meeting friends or pushing through a work deadline, only to wake up the next day completely drained. Me too. And yet, that internal tug-of-war between wanting to be productive and needing to rest still throws us off balance. “I should be working, but I’m just too tired,” or “I want to meet friends, but I really need some me-time.”
The key, is to finding a balance between working to your energetic periods, and resting in your naturally slow phases. When you do this (i.e. live cyclically) you can get around the guilt that steps in for daring to not be productive all the time.
Give Yourself Permission To Rest
A woman’s work is never done….whoever came up with that is true, but also responsible for us being placed into a life of servitude. We work, then work at home. We’re told we have to outperform male colleagues, do better than the neighbours. All of this comes to a big old pile of guilt for even thinking about taking time off.
But here’s the thing: You don’t have to earn your rest. You’re allowed to stop and take a break. In fact, those breaks are exactly what will help you return to your work with more energy and focus.
And more than that, bringing in a culture of rest into your self-employment is a way of actually doing what you most likely wanted to do in the first place: work less and enjoy your life more!
The Importance of Reflection
As I spoke about with Adri, one way to help ease this irrational guilt is through reflection. It’s also a great way to keep in touch with your life in general and keep an overview of progress. I *used* to do this here on Substack with my Lessons Learnt posts, until I realised my lesson was that I can’t commit to a weekly post like that with a baby in tow, for now.
Take time at the end of each week to check in with what you’ve accomplished, whether it’s small wins or larger milestones. This simple act can bring a sense of closure and make it easier to step away from work because chances are, you’re thinking you’ve done a whole let less than you actually have.
The Freedom to Choose Your Own Rhythm
There are some things we carry over from employment into self-employment that are helpful, like structure. And there are others which absolutely aren’t, like the notion that you need to work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week to be productive. And even though you wished to be able to set your own hours before, you’ve now automatically adopted your old ways of working.
Here’s a gentle prompt: stop this.
Seriously. Chances are, you’re simply wasting a lot of time. Most of us have spurts of productivity in the day, and for some of is, that might be consistent. For Adri, it was the mornings that felt most productive. For me, it’s the mid-late afternoon. Notice the times you most easily feel connected to your work and able to be in flow. And then schedule your time to maximise that.
And if you like the ides of Venus Days, like Adri did, then make sure to schedule that into your calendar, otherwise it’ll likely get eaten up. If you want Friday afternoons for yourself to decompress from work and start the weekend early, block it out and make it non-negotiable.
Because rest is just as vital to your success as the work itself.
Be flexible as to what ‘play’ looks like
A lot of us struggle with the idea that our rest days need to look a certain way—completely disconnected from work or filled with non-productive activities. But that’s not always realistic. Sometimes your personal and work life will blur, especially in the early stages of running a business, and especially if your work is something you’re obsessed about or feels integral to who you are as a person (e.g. being a menstrual cycle coach).
Instead of holding yourself to rigid rules, give yourself the flexibility to do what feels good. If working on a creative work project feels like fun, do it. If you want to spend the day reading a book and geeking out about coding which also happens to be your day job, go for it.
Trust that there’ll also be times when you want absolutely nothing to do with work at all, because there will be.
The Mental Shift
Going from employed to self-employed is a huge mental shift. You might know that you’re now your own boss intellectually, but it can take for the rest of you to catch up and get the memo. There’s a lot more to think about than before, more responsibility and maybe the stakes are way higher than they used to be.
The more you align your schedule with what works for you in the present, the easier it becomes to create balance that feels sustainable. And remember, you can always experiment! You might actually hate working on Wednesdays, or truly love working 9-5, and that’s all good.
Finding balance when you’re self-employed is an ongoing process. It’s not about achieving a perfect 50-50 split, but rather about learning to honor your body, reflect on your progress, and create space for both work and rest. The more you do this, the easier it becomes to navigate the inevitable pressures of business ownership without burning out.
After all, you went into this for more freedom and joy, right? So make sure you’re creating space for those things, too.
If you still haven’t listened to the recorded 1:1 session with Adri about this, here it is again.
This came just at the right time. Thanks for sharing <3